Outside Essay Edit

In Essay “A for Alfi,” I found that the language was repetitive and the structure, unclear. When Alfi illustrates Austen’s introduction to characters in the novel “Pride and Prejudice,” he repeats himself over and over again to get the point across, when in actuality, he should be giving more context and analysis. Speaking of repetition, he seems to always repeat the same words without any variations, making the reader feel bored. I feel Alfi gets a little too specific in the intro while explaining “good lists vs. bad lists,” where he definitely could have waited to introduce that topic until the body paragraphs. I thought the conclusion flowed very smoothly until the last sentence when he said the word “opinions” too many times. My ultimate issue with this essay is one of structure, easily fixable with the right thesaurus. B.

In “B for Beatrice,” I felt her introduction was very nice: it showed complex vocabulary, was smoothly written, and definitely says something about her point of view. I love that she used many transitions, such as “thus, moreover, however,” because it really helped the reader move among the sentences. I noticed that she used textual evidence in the form of quotations, which she analyzed. I liked that she did this a lot, it made her writing seem a lot more effortless. This by far was my favorite essay of the bunch, because she took a strong stance while also writing elegantly. A+.

Oh goodness, “C for Cecilia” was not a well-written or thought provoking essay. Starting with a quote would be a good idea; however, not in this context and definitely NOT with that quote. Cecilia used a lot of clichés and hyperboles, such as “minute they meet them” and “judge a book by it’s cover.” If these points were essential in conveying her argument, I would understand, but they simply did nothing- considering she didn’t even have an argument to start with. Cecilia stated facts instead of analyzing them, and then just repeated herself. Another way Cecilia repeated herself was with diction; she kept saying “he/she” and “his/her.” Between her poor analysis and less than complex language, I was expecting a stellar conclusion where she brought it all together in a stunning way. I obviously didn’t get what I had hoped for. D.